Unforeseen Situations

May 24, 2013

The month of May entailed a lot of unforeseen situations concerning the adoption process, which produced growth between Luke and I as a couple, individually, and with the Lord. I do believe there is good that comes out of hardships or trials. I believe it is an opportunity to humble ourselves before the Lord by seeking Him and growing in our relationship and knowledge of Jesus Christ while having our hearts being transformed through the work of the Holy Spirit. I don’t know about anyone else, but when the Lord stretches me and pulls me out of my comfort zone, it is never easy and quite hard at times when I am put in situations I never thought I would be in. However, praise God that we have a faithful God who gives us grace as we humbly seek Him for wisdom, strength, comfort, and guidance.

The unexpected situations happened in the beginning of May when Barb our specialist called and asked if we could have our next homestudy meeting at our house instead of her office in her town.  That completely surprised me and caught me off guard…I had no good reason not to say yes other than I was not prepared to have the meeting this soon…didn’t seem like a legit reason, so I said  that was fine :-/ We did know that she was going to come to our house, but we were last informed it wouldn’t be till the third meeting, which would be our last one. We were thinking that wouldn’t be till the end of May or beginning of June; however…SURPRISE….our assumptions were wrong! When she asked to meet at our house, the first thing that popped in my head was all the things we wanted to do or fix up in our house before the BIG “HOMESTUDY” meeting. However, things don’t always go as you plan, as I am reminded of often, and totally heard the Lord saying to me, “Things don’t always go your way Christy and do not have to be perfectly done.”  It was a very humbling moment to say the least!! Luke and I decided to try get as much done as we could before the BIG “HOMESTUDY” meeting.

Nine days later…Barb was at our house bright and early Friday morning. As we opened our front door to greet Barb, it was literally thirty seconds later we made it to our family room couches to start our meeting….no questions about our house or looking around the house…nada! I was shocked….good thing we put such a big importance on the “BIG” homestudy meeting.  But anyways, our second meeting we learned about Barb’s theory and mission statement about open adoption. This is one area that was difficult for us and we truly want the best for our child. It was hard to listen to, not only because it was scary for us and unknown territory, but because I truly respected this women and I have never really disagreed with someone who I looked up to and who seemed like she knew what she was talking about. It was a huge learning point for me and realizing I might not always agree with someone I really respect on how to do things. How to be an adoptive parent was very new and unknown to us and that’s when we were reminded we need to do more research on open adoption and seek the Lord’s wisdom and guidance on what would be best for our family and our precious child. We have a deep desire to love and protect our child and give them a healthy environment where we will teach and share with them the Love of Christ. The level of openness was a HUGE decision that Luke and I were going to have to make with God’s intervention and grace!!  We also know that the Lord may be working in our hearts with the openness side of adoption, and that it may not look like what we thought it would. We genuinely want to follow the Lord’s will for the adoption process and know the gift of adoption is so much bigger than ourselves and how we would like our family to be. We know that this was something we weren’t going to know what do right away and hard at times knowing that we weren’t going to figure this out. This was going to take time and it was going to be a process as the Holy Spirit works in our hearts concerning the type of openness. My flesh wants to always know right away on how things will play out and know the outcome; however, I am humbled knowing that God is growing my character into more of his image by Him giving me these circumstances to be obedient to His teachings. Even though this was a hard subject to talk about, it was good and necessary to talk about since it is a part of the whole adoption process.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”   Proverbs 3:5-6

Later we talked about attachment and how important it would be to always hold and feed your baby. This part I absolutely loved! There was no doubt Luke and I would have any trouble holding our precious baby all the time while giving him or her love and affection while tending to his/her needs!! That was music to my ears!! J Even though the whole meeting wasn’t picture perfect, it was good and much needed things to talk about and prepare for us to be the best adoptive parents we can be! J We were informed that in a week we will be going down to Bethany for a Panel meeting about adoption.

A week had past and we were on our way to Bethany Christian Services. Luke and I were interested in what this meeting would be like. We knew we would hear from a couple who were adoptive parents and birthmothers on what their experience was like, but other than that we had no idea what to expect. As we walked into the meeting room I saw two adoptive families with their children and three birth moms. After hearing from both sides the adoptive families and birthmothers it was quite different and a little scary. I had no clue what it was going to be like and had no expectations but that still didn’t stop the whole fact that this was very different and unknown to me which made it scary. Hearing from the couples and the birthmothers made the whole adoption process very REAL to both Luke and I. Since it was so foreign and really out of my comfort zone and a huge change from what I am use to being around, it was pretty emotional for me. We had learned before that a lot of these mothers do not come from good homes or backgrounds and seeing that face to face was very eye opening and made me realize how sheltered and naive I am to things sometimes. After this meeting, it was the first time Luke and I had a conversation with one another if adoption was right for us or not. It was a hard time for us and we needed to figure out these emotions and thoughts before we went any further. 

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”   Isaiah 41:10

After a couple days of spending time in God’s word and praying about adoption and talking with other followers of Christ, one thing held true through all these emotions was that Luke and I have a great passion and love for children and building a family, and if this was a way to do that I would TRUST GOD and have FAITH in HIM through this WHOLE process, even if it meant that I was going out of my comfort zone. This was another meeting that was hard to go through but I knew God was preparing us and our hearts through these tough times. This is another example on how I feel when you go through tough and trying times it is an opportunity to grow individually and for the Holy Spirit to work in your heart and circumstances for His good and for Him to be glorified.

 “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.”   Isaiah 55:8-9

Today Luke and I decided to postpone our last meeting with Barb to a week later to process everything with these two past meetings and truly spend time in God’s word. It has been a busy, somewhat stressful couple weeks and we think it would be beneficial to slow things down a bit. We have yet more paperwork we need to complete before our last meeting and don’t want to rush through it. Our thoughts, hearts, and minds are truly in adoption, but sometimes you just need to slow things down a bit.  Our next meeting will be May 31st and are looking forward to it! J

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”        2 Corinthians 4:16-17

Prayer Request:

Luke and I would appreciate your continued prayers for the birthmother and our precious child as we continually lay that in the arms of our perfect, all-knowing, and loving Heavenly Father! Thank you! J